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“It is great testament to the human spirit, we must continue to rise after adversity, as I truly believe this is where our biggest life lessons are learnt. The world will not save you. You will save you. You will find from your darkest depths, your most guarded shadows, a power to get through”.

Maya Angelou

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World Children’s Day. My world; my teachers. #myboys

And many use the truth as a punch bag. Be honest anyway. . #observations #mondaymotivation

Pudsey by Dylan. #childreninneed

The penultimate lumbar puncture (no. 27). Anaesthetic no. 34. I have quietly watched the “one year left until the end of treatment” date come & go, I have quietly acknowledged the “six months left until the end of treatment” date. I say “quietly”, what I really mean is I had a complete breakdown. I didn’t want to acknowledge that what had & has kept Dylan alive was gradually coming to an end. I spent weeks crying, each day believing that my state of mind would pass...but it didn’t; it just got worse. I waited & waited & then eventually went to see my doctor, where I sat & sobbed spewing my fears about the worst case scenario...it will always haunt me, maybe because of his diagnosis but I think most likely because of what I witnessed on 24.12.16; the “almost” is perpetually followed by the “what if”. She listened, she listened beautifully as have a few rather special people. I felt mad but I know I’m not mad. I’m just trying to keep it together in a world that’s made up of lots of tiny broken pieces. Twenty seven lumbar punctures down , one more to go. On top of everything else, these numbers have caused me so much anguish, distress, sadness, fear & darkness since day one; but each & every single day has been & will continue to be gently laced with hope. (Think I might have to write about my current perspective on “the end of treatment”...you know, before we actually get there & my head completely implodes, but then as @freddies_mum reminded me yesterday, it’s now that matters so maybe that can wait a while). . #livingwithcancer #childhoodcancer #hope #lumbarpuncture #lymphoblasticlymphoma

Courage: The ability to do something that frightens one; bravery. Strength in the face of pain or grief. The ability to control your fear in a dangerous or difficult situation. The quality of mind or spirit to face difficulty, danger, pain etc., without fear. Mental or moral strength to venture, persevere & withstand danger, fear or difficulty. Next month will mark three years since Dylan’s diagnosis. This time three years ago I didn’t really understand the true meaning of the word courage. Three years is a long time. I can’t believe just how much has happened; how much we have all been & continue to be tested. I used to tell the boys they were brave for just jumping in at the deep end during their swimming lessons. I had no idea they were both born with such huge potential; I had no idea that they’d both have to be so courageous at such tender ages. Over the last three years I think we have all shown each other what courage is. Courage & pain seem to go hand in hand. Pain seems to offer the potential to consistently practice all of the other virtues. It almost seems acutely ironic that you have to throw yourself directly into the volcano of constant screaming pain in order to properly practice kindness, truth, mercy, generosity & honesty. It feels as though through constant courage those other virtues have all been polished, they feel clearer & cleaner. Courage isn’t easy, it actually really hurts but it does bring a certain clarity especially when you know that you’ll need to be courageous every single day for the rest of your life. #livingwithcancer #courage #virtue #strength #pain #childhoodcancer

Just because 🤗! Dylan age 2. . #tbt #lips #hesalwayslovedapples #myboy

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